Beyond 'I HOLD space': A New Way to Connect with Others

How I don't hold space. Instead I share space with you, exist in the space with you, dance in the space with you

Zen-Zen - "I'm just holding space.

"Cosmic Carl - "Holding space, what do you mean holding space?

"Zen-Zen - "You know, holding space, Carl."

Cosmic Carl - "Like space in your living room? For a new couch or something or you mean space, space?"

Zen-Zen - "Come on Carl, you know what I mean. I hold space"

Cosmic Carl - "No I don’t know Zen because have you seen space??? It is the vast everythingness of nothingness. How can you hold that?"

I HOLD SPACE a bit of a buzz phrase. A phrase that is used a lot. I’m sure you’ve heard this phrase before 

But..,

What does it actually mean? Do you know what it means? Do you understand what you are actually saying when you say those three words?

Answer in the comments

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Disclaimer: I am projecting in this writing. Everything I share is through my personal; lens and perspective. If anything I say triggers you.

Great! comment about it and let us have a discussion. I would love to hear more.

Now, let's continue.

I 

HOLD 

SPACE

Let's break it down 

I - The me, singular

Hold - holding something 

Space - Space??

Buuutt…,

Space is the vast, seemingly endless expanse that stretches beyond our planet. It's the place where stars, planets, galaxies, and everything we can see in the night sky exist. Space is mostly empty, filled with an incredibly thin scattering of matter and particles, which is why we often call it a vacuum.

The term “space" can also signify the immediate surroundings or environment in which people coexist and engage with one another. It's the shared physical realm where conversations, connections, and interactions take place.

Both these definitions are speaking to the invisible world, the unseen world. 

So how can you hold something you cannot TOUCH or SEE?

I do understand what this phrase means in the context it is usually used in 

I hold an energetic container of safety so you can explore the depth of yourself emotionally and consciously.

But how many of us actually have an in-depth intimate relationship with the energetic, unseen, invisible worlds?

How many of us actually know how to hold space?

When there are really BIG EMOTIONS and/or more people show up than expected, it is followed with a response: 

“This is a lot! How am I going to hold space for all of this?” 

And then, after holding space, you are drained, tired, and need to do lots of cleansing, clearing, and grounding.

Now, that sounds like a lot.

Doesn’t it?

So I will share my perspective on what I feel the idea of holding space has come to be today and why not holding space and approaching it as “We share space”  represents a more holistic sustainable approach.

Four Points to Consider About "I Hold Space":

1."Ego's Role in 'I Hold Space'"

2."The Hidden Layers: Unveiling Realities of Inner Space

3."The Programmed Notion of Space-Holding"

4."Embracing Self and Others: Navigating Inner Space"

1. Ego's Role in 'I Hold Space’

It is essential to recognize that when we say "I hold space," the prominent "I" represents the ego.

This acknowledgment is crucial because it signifies that the ego plays a central role in our self-identity and consciousness.

It's a straightforward point but holds profound implications.

It's worth noting that the ego is a vital component of our consciousness.

Learning how to coexist with our ego self, hand in hand, heart in heart, and mind in mind, is key to a deeper understanding of ourselves.

In the spirit of full vulnerability, I had to work closely with my ego self to write this blog. This collaboration with our ego selves is essential because, without it, certain explorations and expressions wouldn't be possible.

2. The Hidden Layers: Unveiling Realities of Inner Space

Holding space is a concept that may seem elusive. After all, how can one hold something as intangible as space?

It's an intriguing question that invites us to explore the invisible and the unseen. Additionally, holding something for an extended period can be physically and mentally taxing.

As the saying goes,

"It doesn't matter how heavy it is; what matters is how long you hold it for." ~ Unknown

In the context of holding space, the "heavy" aspect often refers to the emotions that may surface during these moments. It involves holding the "energy" of the space to ensure the safety and protection of those present.

The first step in understanding this concept is to build a relationship with space itself, the unseen, your emotions, and your energy. This foundational understanding sets the stage for the deeper exploration of holding space, both for yourself and others.

Which brings me to my next point…

3. Embracing Self and Others: Navigating Inner Space

To truly hold space for others, it's essential to start by holding space within yourself. This means delving into the fullest depths of your own emotions, embracing your light, acknowledging your darkness, and exploring all the facets of your soul and energy.

If you cannot hold space within yourself, meeting your own emotional and spiritual depths, it becomes challenging to authentically hold space for others. When people exclaim, "This is a lot" while holding space for someone or a group, it often reflects their inability to confront these depths within themselves.

Much like love, you cannot fully extend this support to others if you haven't first offered it to yourself.

Therefore, the journey of fully holding space for someone else starts with holding space for yourself, acknowledging and accepting every aspect of your being.

Lastly,

4. The Programmed Notion of Space-Holding

The idea of holding space has become somewhat of a programmed response in society. Many people use this phrase because they've heard others say it, and it has taken on a perceived importance.

This importance often stems from the ego's desire to identify as

"I am important because I can hold space."

In reality, the act of holding space transcends any ego-driven notions. It's important to understand that being fully healed is an illusion; healing is an ongoing, dynamic process.

The true essence of holding space lies in the continuous exploration of the deep aspects of our soul, spirit, light, and darkness. This ongoing journey allows us to hold space not in ‘separateness’ but in ‘togetherness’

In conclusion, the term ‘I hold space’ needs to be approached and rephrased to..,

“We share space - I exist in the space with you”“I hold space” implies I am doing this separate from you “We share space” implies I am doing this in relationship with you, together

In conclusion, the concept of "I hold space" is multi-faceted, encompassing the ego's role, the complexities of inner space, the importance of self-work, and societal conditioning. It's a reminder that our ego, represented by the "I," plays a central role in self-identity and consciousness.

Holding space, however, goes far beyond words; it involves embracing the intangible and heavy aspects of emotions and energies.

To authentically hold space for others, we must first hold it within ourselves, exploring our emotions and complexities. Yet, the phrase can also be reduced to a programmed response driven by a desire for importance

Therefore, rephrasing it as "We share space - I exist in the space with you" highlights the collaborative aspect of creating a supportive and empathetic environment within the ever-evolving human experience.

Four points to consider about “We Share Space”

1. Connected Community: We Share Space Together

2. Freedom in Non-Holding: Embracing Effortlessness

3. Natural Energy Flow: Easing the Aftercare

4. Vulnerability Unleashed: Fostering Authentic Connection

Connected Community: We Share Space Together

We do it together, in community, in relationship

The majority of the lens that I see through and experience life through is how to be in relationship with, how to be in community with, and how to share with. 

By sharing space with you, I meet you where you are and just walk beside you physically, energetically, spiritually, and mentally. 

If you trip and fall. I’ll trip and fall with you, that's because I know now how to fall and get back up because of the inner work I have done of journeying within, and then we will get back up together. 

I might help you get up if you ask for help, or I might give you a gentle push, and then we carry on. We journey to the depths, your depths, together.

The concept of sharing space is rooted in the powerful value of community. However, by "community," I do not refer to a physical group of people. Instead, I mean the community within ourselves - the many parts of our own beings. When we come together, we bring forth the many parts of ourselves, our inner community to share, to be acknowledged, to dance and play, to share sadness or anger.

Mmm…. I feel such lightness, love, and joy in writing, reading, and saying that

Freedom in Non-Holding: Embracing Effortlessness

I don’t need to hold anything. Not holding anything—wow! 

The relief I experience in my body every time I say those words.

"Not holding anything" is like dropping a heavy backpack after a long hike. When you release the burden of holding space, it feels like a weight has been lifted both mentally and physically. Your energy is liberated, and you experience a newfound lightness.

Try this quick exercise. This is called taking off the ‘Emotional Energy Backpack’.

I want you to physically with your body, mentally and emotionally imagine you are taking off a backpack. Actually do it with your body.That backpacks represents all you current emotions and thoughts that are present. Just take off the backpack And simply notice the sensations…Then if you want you can put it back on now or later or start unpacking it, this is where the term ‘unpacking’ comes from because we are unpacking our emotional, energetic backpack

For me, just by not holding anything, after a big day of 1-on-1 clients or a retreat, I am not tired. I have so much energy! I am supercharged. I may need some silence, but otherwise, I am supercharged because I am not holding anything.

 I don’t want to hold any of your space, but I can hold space with you, beside you, sharing and showing how I am holding all my own space, with the hopes that it inspires you into bravery and courage to hold your own space because you can. 

You are more than capable of holding the vast emptiness of everything and nothing within you.

But sometimes you may need a reminder and guidance

Natural Energy Flow: Easing the Aftercare

The cleansing, clearing, and grounding process is so much easier and effortless

This process is so much easier because you haven’t been holding anything.

If you have ever worked out, you build tension in the muscles from repeated movements that strain the muscles over periods, and the muscles get sore.

So you have to stretch out, maybe do hot and cold therapy, and eat supportive recovery foods. 

“I hold space” is like that energetically, mentally, and spiritually. So you have to do all of the cleansing, clearing, and grounding to come back to harmony. 

What holding space does is it creates density in the energy body, therefore you have a whole full aftercare process. 

But if you are not holding space, simply sharing space and existing in the space with the individual and/or group, dancing in the space, like a passionate tango.

There is no aftercare needed because the ego isn’t present which creates density in the energy body which therefore makes it easier for people’s stories, emotions, and energy to attach to. 

There could be a bit of residual energy that can attach to you. So still do the aftercare process, as a practice of cleansing

Vulnerability Unleashed: Fostering Authentic Connection

Vulnerability is the heart of authentic connection when sharing space. It's like removing a mask and revealing your true self to others.

This act of daring greatly creates a deep sense of trust and intimacy within the group, individual, and the many parts of the self that may be in fear of being seen because of wounding and trauma. When individuals let down their guards, it becomes a catalyst for profound personal and collective transformation.

It's about walking this path hand in hand, not as separate entities but as companions navigating the intricate terrain of our inner landscapes. Vulnerability unleashes its magic in these moments of togetherness, where we dare to expose our true selves without the weight of holding space.

In this shared space, we honor each other's emotions, light, darkness, and everything in between. 

We become witnesses to each other's stories, acknowledging that our journey mirrors theirs. 

This fosters a profound and authentic connection that transcends the need for holding and simply allows us to be present, together, and unburdened.

If you are sharing, existing, dancing in the space. 

A lightness is present, an effortless flow of collective energy that you are in perfect harmony with.

So the term 'I hold space’ needs a transformation

Rephrased as: 

“We share space. I exist in the space with you. I dance in the space with you”“I hold space” implies I am doing this separate from you, while “We share space” implies I am doing this in relationship with you, together.

How can you transition from ‘I hold space’ to ‘We share space’?

Transitioning from 'I hold space' to 'we share space' is to let go of the ego self and surrender to being in complete harmony with the collective energy of the present moment, fostering a sense of unity and interconnectedness

Simply just say the words from here on out

‘I share space’

‘We share space’

‘I exist in the space with you’

‘I dance in the space with you’

In conclusion, by embracing this perspective, we allow the space to be shared together in community, particularly within the intricate realms of our inner realities. This shift towards a collective, supportive hearrtset fosters a sense of togetherness and interconnectedness.

We embark on this journey together, as a community, creating deeper relationships and mutual support. Importantly, this transition frees us from the burden of feeling the need to "hold" anything. As we read lightly, not needing to hold, we discover that the process of cleansing, clearing, and grounding becomes remarkably effortless.

This approach offers a holistic and sustainable way of life, particularly for those who walk the path of service. It not only lightens our energetic load but also nurtures personal growth through authentic connections with others. It aligns with the notion that together, we can achieve more profound and lasting transformations.

So, the next time you feel tempted to say, "I hold space," pause to consider the profound potential of "We share space." 

This paradigm shift can have a transformative impact on your personal journey and the journeys of those around you. Together, we embark on an exploration of the boundless depths of our inner realities, unlocking the limitless potential of the universe(space) that resides within each of us.

Tihei Mauri Ora - I am alive, the breath of life

Ngā mihi

Thank you

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Cyrus Henry